El día que reconsideré la existencia de los prospectos como un mal necesario

Originally published at https://www.piesucios.com on September 3, 2015.

Prospectos. Esos microcuentos de la literatura médica, primos hermanos de los manuales de instrucciones. Infravalorados, menospreciados, mirados de reojo y con cara de hastío. Relegados al fondo de la caja y aplastados por el medicamento en cuestión. ¿Quién quiere leerse un prospecto cuando tiene a un farmacéutico o médico de cabecera a quien preguntar?

Pues sabed que todos esos años de confinamiento al área de “conocimientos prescindibles” de vuestro cerebro os pasarán factura algún día. Día que para mí ha llegado. Mi habitual despiste unido a una inusitada confianza en mí misma ha prolongado el equívoco un par de días.

El olor y la textura de la pomada han sido la señal de alarma: esto-no-me-suena. El signo definitivo ha sido comprobar que los síntomas de las picaduras de los mosquitos no remitían, así que he decidido que era la hora de realizar el titánico esfuerzo. He alargado los dedos unos milímetros más hasta alcanzar el prospecto y, desplegando esa obra de ingeniería (que por algún motivo no se deja volver a plegar fácilmente), he buscado el apartado “Usos”. ¿Cicatrizante? ¿Heridas y llagas? ¡¿De qué demonios me hablas?! Y de repente ahí estaban: todos esos recuerdos moviéndose en todas las direcciones, hasta encajar como un puzzle perfecto:

Estaba usando la pomada para las heridas de mi perra.

Podría ser peor, todo sea dicho. Podría haber usado su cepillo de dientes, o su toalla de baño. Pero todo está en su sitio. El sarro a base de pienso sigue en su boca, los pelos en su cuerpo y las picaduras en el mío.

Ese día, echaréis de menos a vuestras madres y esa costumbre que solíais juzgar como una hábil maniobra para despistar la demencia senil precoz: garabatear fantásticos y prácticos resúmenes en las cajas de los medicamentos.

Hija Fani — garganta dolor y fiebre — cada 8 horasPapa — colesterol — 1 al día

Y sí. Comenzaréis a adoptar esa práctica. Gracias mamá por demostrarme de nuevo que mi destino es parecerme cada día más a esa figura de la que he renegado durante toda mi juventud.

Y si os lo estabais preguntando la respuesta es no. No tengo ni pajolera idea de dónde está la crema para los mosquitos, si tan siquiera existe o si solo soñé que alguna vez la tuve.

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